Teaching Empathy

By making this very expressive face Sharyn helps her daughter Lehla recognize the SAD feeling in someone else. She may not know it, but Sharyn is teaching Lehla empathy, a critical social skill.

Empathy is the ability to understand the emotions of others. Empathy kindles altruism. It compels people to act compassionately when reasoning alone might not. Researchers say that although some children are naturally more empathetic than others, it is not something that matures on it's own. Empathy is a learned skill.

The first step in teaching your child empathy is to start naming feelings. Yours, theirs, and everyone else's. Describe how you feel physically, "my heart feels heavy." You might remind them of a time they felt this way, "remember when you lost your blankie? That's how I feel now that I lost my cel phone."

When your child has an emotional situation you have a golden opportunity to model empathy by expressing interest in their experiences, listening carefully to what they say, and reflecting back to them what you think they may be feeling.

Listen actively; lean in, nod, clarify what you heard them say. "So your teacher wasn't there today when you brought her gift?" And then guess what they are feeling... "If that happened to me I'd probably feel disappointed. Is that how you feel?" The key is to communicate your awareness of the child's situation so they feel understood.