How To Listen

First of all, recognize that listening has to be learned. We teach children to speak and adults to speak in public, but we don't teach listening - so it's hardly surprising that most of us are not very good at it.

Next look at the speaker and concentrate on what they are saying, completely. Don't cloud your mind with what you might want to say in response.

Encourage the speaker with eye contact, head nodding, and occasional sounds like, "mmm" or "ah."

Keep your mouth shut. Let the speaker go at their own pace. There is no need for you to rush in and fill the silence.

When it is appropriate, clarify by asking an open ended question. "How did you feel about that?" or you can guess; "Did you feel afraid when that happened?" Of course we Flower Feelings creators think it's always a good idea to listen for the emotion that is powering the conversation. We never want to miss an opportunity to acknowledge or validate feelings.

When you think you understand what the speaker is saying reflect it back to them and make sure that is what they truly meant.

Write it down. It's okay to take notes and many times there are pertinent details that you need to make sure you remember.

Finally, if you can't listen anymore or don't want to, say so. Don't pretend to listen when you are no longer able to really listen.