Can You Hear Me?

Don't give advice.

When I need you to listen please don't give advice. I hate that. I know you're trying to help me solve my problem, but I'm not there yet. So don't rush me.

Don't tell me my feelings are wrong.

If you tell me why I shouldn't feel the way I do, you are invalidating my feelings, and that hurts! What you think are "irrational feelings" will make sense if you take time to understand me.

Don't interrupt.

That's just rude and it makes me feel offended, pressured and controlled.

Don't prepare your response while I'm talking.

I can tell you are doing that and it makes me feel like I have to shout at you to be heard.

Please, just listen! I'm not helpless. I may be faltering or discouraged, but I am not helpless. It hurts my self-esteem when you cut me off or figure it all out for me. I just want you to listen. It shows me that you care.

And here's an extra secret for you; It's a big relief when you accept the way I feel. Then I don't need to defend myself or convince you, and I can focus on figuring out why I feel the way I feel and what to do about it.

Thanks.